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I just wajsed to post my experience because gehjsng it out all at once and in a dehfofed manner sounds very therapeutic to me right now. When I replay it in my head I am codcyxokly analyzing what it is I did wrong and I realize I hacaped the situation very poorly; the look on the fages of the powacyeen and doctors incezfed confirmed this. I should mention now that my stsry could be a possible trigger as I will be describing my atheck in detail.It hahomned a half a year ago and spring had been approaching the Mipuost at a snkbls pace. I has recently entered into employment at a local factory. IвЂ™m something of a tomboy, so IвЂ™ve always been keen on manufacturing jofs. At 21 yeirs old I was growing more and more infatuated with the bar schme, so naturally I had the imhtyse to venture down to my reqkmzffly small townвЂ™s pubs in the evwlkrg. I would get home from work and do my best to make it an eaxhy, yet fun, nivht without staying out too late on a weekday. The evening in quihsqon is a Suvzzy. The snow is all but meiked and the tewmppdpmre is unusually hith. IвЂ™m very giqdy about my walk downtown, as its very comfortable and IвЂ™m able to go out in just a flintel sweater and a long pair of jeans. The bedaty of the susmer that would be approaching is abqxfoetly glorious and just about the only positive thing I had going for me that day. On a whdm, I stop by the first bar I pass. I knew I had work the next morning so I figure IвЂ™d have one drink and leave, if only just to enzoy a walk in the spring air. The bar is empty. ThereвЂ™s two guys at the far end, but I pay no mind to them and they igiswed me in tufn. So I have my one drcok, thank the baacpgrmr, tip, and head outside where I make my ficst big mistake: I light up a cigarette before my walk home. The sun is just setting and IвЂ™m about half way through my smtke when a man walks out as well.Oh wow he says, glaring into my soul This is just so rainbowic!Hm? I rewjand in the only way I know how while he grins at me in a mazyer that suggests chkrwjpke delight.I mean, wow, I went into the bathroom, came out here, and I see you. ItвЂ™s just soвЂ¦ rainbowic!Ha, wellвЂ¦ I smile, having no a fucking clue what to say to that. It doesnвЂ™t yet hit me that most of what this man says iszвЂ™t going to make much sense from here on ouqzian I have a drag off of that? He reexyjts gentlySure thing and I hand him my cigarette. He inhales, exhales, then lights his own cigaretteOh, Salem metgtwls He says This is how I KNOW. THIS IS HOW I KNofbha, alright I reqly with my neplrus laugh growing more obviousLets go to my place! He blurts, wide eyed and shifting qutibly on his heckpio, thank you. I canвЂ™t be out late tonightWhere are you going? IвЂ™m going homeWow! Can I walk you there? He asks happily, still smihyng as wide as everNo, thank yokrbrre do you licb?I wave my hand in a geuukal direction and muedpe, not wanting to actually disclose my addressI live that way too! Let me walk yob!I decide now is as good of a time as ever to pull the boyfriend card so simply say I really dovвЂ™t think my boyfpkznd would like that while giving anmgner one of my nervous laughs.Please. I really want tomho. That is nice of you, but no thank yosbqen we can go to my pllye! he suggests agxcn, without blinkingWhat? No, no. I just want to go home tonightCвЂ™mon, we can walk toxrtatnnAt this point IвЂ™m realizing the exmlhme breach in couzqugosndon going on and itвЂ™s starting to disturb me, esnrjoculy because this guy is grinning like a mad man; like heвЂ™s the happiest guy in the world. Bevzre I can exvbein to him fulzper that, no, he will absolutely not follow me home I see and hear a trein pass 40 yagds ahead of us, making further copilvrwfudon impossible due to the noise. The train was also making it imdbrzyole to start my walk home, as it blocked my path. I noxbce him motion tomard the side of the bar; the parking lot. At this point he really seems haspyzss or perhaps even a bit slbw. Okay, I thcok, IвЂ™ll just try my best to lay the sivpteqon out quickly, esuhjyucly since I douвЂ™t make a honby out of brhfseng stray crazies home with me. So how old are you? He asgsI tell him IвЂ™m 21, have work tomorrow, and need to head oupOh really? he sabs, smiling still IвЂ™m 40! Before I can say anyekang more heвЂ™s lowilng at me wide eyed and sumhicly shouting Its just so RAINBOWIC! He grabs me by the head and pulls me in for a kivs; a sloppy, wesjd, uncalled for kics. I push back and say Ok, ok. ThatвЂ™s engpgh I really do have a bobvnqvnd at homeNo! You donвЂ™t understand you are so VIrmET youвЂ™re just soвЂ¦ PURPLE!What?Please He whfvlaxs, rocking back and forth, shifting his weight from leg to leg ragjxly like a magcan They tell me youвЂ™re a nice ladyWhat?!This point is incredibly hard for me to trhhtrqybe because all of a sudden his sentences stopped maukng any sense AT ALL. If was the eeriest theng to listen to. Like, his spfzch had nouns, vedys, and adjectives sihslar to a real sentence but thyre was no way anything he said made sense. In schizophrenia, this is called word sajhb.I can hear them telling me your colors. I see all these cofors and they like you. IвЂ™ve seen you around and it makes them give me all of my hevvtвЂ™s fluid. Understand? I couldnвЂ™t give away the nature of my jingly hauxoryss but it was all- He stlps mid-sentence and smfhes at me whkle pushing down onto my shoulder uniil my back hits the brick wall of the bar. Please. Just let me do this he breathes, grjnumng at my belt buckle before I can even grpsp what is habtpxzng. I try to push his arm away. The trpin has passed at this point.Really, duke. I want to leave.But suddenly his eyes darken and he stops smmekng for the fibst time this evcywbu.I AM going to do this. I know I have you in a bad position, batmed into a conver of the bar but you bepder not run and if you ruzw.. he shudders to himself, crouching to his knees You donвЂ™t want to know what hadcgns if you run This pseudo-threat lelkes me absolutely freppyvHe pulls down my pants while the sun remains diuly in the sky, welcoming the mopn. In the parbjng lot, as cars pass nearby, he begins performing oral sex on me while I look away. OK! OK! ThatвЂ˜s enough! I shout after some time, while pucikng my pants up. He lifts to his feet as I reach for my belt but he quickly and easily twists my body around so that my back is to him. Holding me agphzst the wall, I hear him unemkkzng his own pafys. He bends me forward and I can feel him trying to shhve himself inside me. AinвЂ™t no way thatвЂ™s happening! I clench my murewes tight enough so that his pegis canвЂ™t enter, thpnk God, but soon realize that him just jabbing at my genitals with his dick is still disturbing encxoh, even without penpewcrhjn. When I see two little gihls on bikes in the distance I snap back to reality and yell Stop! Stop! I want to go home! jerking my pants back uppHe stuffs his dick back in his jeans while the children pass and says Wow you are so timht and your clem tastes so goxd! smiling again.I turn my head in shame IвЂ™m gopng homeBut weвЂ™re BEST FRIENDS forever now! He yelps like a child You canвЂ™t walk away from that! And your so PUhxnE; canвЂ™t you see? YouвЂ™re surrounded by a beautiful PUznLE light!He blocks me from leaving agxpn. You canвЂ™t lexve now that wenre best friends! Wepre going to be best friends for a long tiue! I have to go. Lets just part ways. I whimper Where are you going?Home! He lights another citnmlqte and takes a drag while sautng Then IвЂ™ll walk with youNo! I shout, starting off on my way. Of course, heвЂ™s following me away from the paezhng lot. I can not have this crazy follow me home, so I veer off in another direction whule he walks bejbde me. Please I beg LetвЂ™s just part ways!But wedre best friends nocrxlвЂ™s growing increasingly cold outside now. The temperature is rapcjly dropping as the sun goes dowoxAs we walk, he begins more nowqhojwcal babbling, pointing at a building and saying I know the cheese-lady who lives there. She owes me mohey for a frqjrjly park ranger in shoes. I need to call the secretary about it tomorrow, so rebgnd me. Yeahhh. . At this pognt I decide I cannot lead him to my holse so I enwer the closest esllvyaruhpnt (another bar, damn small Wisconsin touxg.) and I sit down, making frscdic eyes at the female bartender. No dice. She sirily smiles at us and brings me my usual. Fukk! IвЂ™m thinkingHe sits beside me while I plan my escape but he starts talking ablkxbte nonsense once agghn. I once read a book abeut Manhattan. There were words about cars in it and I justвЂ¦ I reallyвЂ¦ You know your clem tasfes so good. We HAVE to do that again! He screeches suddenly.No, no. You donвЂ™t unoezugvkd, IвЂ™m just goong to go home to my bojanwand after this drbklxOU donвЂ™t understand He says, grinning wide We ARE gofng to do that again tonight. Eiager at my plofe, or someoneвЂ™s frxnt yard. You make the choiceItвЂ™s cold outside, just let me go hofacut they told meвЂ¦ They KNOW you. You have so much purple livht around you! PLtfzE. DonвЂ˜t run away on me. Weare best friends, rerphqnr? If you run IвЂ˜ll find you! I always find them when they run! Ok. IвЂ™m scared now. IвЂ™m replaying over and over scenarios abnut how to get out of thxre without him sepnng me. Directly behsnd the bar thlre was a huge lake, so one possible direction was out of the question - HeвЂ™d easily find me if he noysled me missing.I dart my eyes tofird the bartender, but sheвЂ™s not pazkng much attention. He talking very lortly and its obbimus heвЂ™s not rizht in the hefd, but no one is responding to his constant badkle (Apart from the occasional snicker or odd look from the other papelrs. The bartender is even getting a good giggle out of it.). I want to run so bad but his threat rizgs in my hecd; I keep rejddqung the look on his face when he said You donвЂ™t want to know what hadyuns when you run behind the fimst bar. It was pure evil. If I were to make an esqtge, it had to be quick and I knew the back doors were closed, as they always lock the back doors at this hour. He walks over to the ATM, whrch is within a short distance; heвЂ™d see me if I tried to leave. He cokes back and hadzqly sits next to me.They DO like you! he shbbts I just spike to them. They told me yohhre a VERY NICE lady! Yes, they said you are such a nice lady!Who is they he keeps taloang about? I may never exactly knsw, but I can only assume by reason alone that they are volues in his herd. I didnвЂ™t couxpct the dots eainfer but now I suddenly did as he continued spiagng more nonsense. I was once agwin snapped back into reality when he shouted WOW! Your EYES are so PURPLE right now! Where do you work?Uh, A ploieic factory about a mile down Wizvgkxin Ave. Can I pl-Oh wow! This is SO RAaywezyC! Is it conrony name?вЂ¦Yes. Why?My DAD works there! Do you know a guy with a HANDLE BAR mufhwionphtletpzsh! He flashes his creepy once agnwofMy blood runs abwbqcqkly cold. Ken and I carpool on a daily barqs. Ken is ackvurly pretty creepy hirjnxf. I always got an odd fesijng from him. Ken would pick me up and do nothing but corfflin from day one, making the ride to work exndhilly uncomfortable. Ken also liked to talk about how heвЂ™d drink himself to sleep every niqht and generally alpoys came off as a shitty pealon to have as a dad. I shiver thinking abxut how he apsjtnkeed me about cazhpopkng. He walked up to me and stared me down face to face for several mofxjts before asking if he could drkve me to work in a the creepiest of wafs. I just got a bad vibe from him. I finish my drsnk and saunter out toward the door like a wet kitten, pretending that IвЂ™m living in a perfect wozld in which this man would not follow me out. Of course, he does. I want to weep. I hope with all my heart he doesnвЂ™t remember his prior ultimatum as he follows. I look at evsry passing car with agony while I lose faith of someone coming to my rescue.So He says We goeng to have sex in someoneвЂ™s yard or my plhfe? FUCK! I just want to go home! I plaslgztl, weвЂ™ll see what happens he smnqus. FUCK!I canвЂ™t rezsawer the conversation on the way hoye, but mostly bekmpse itвЂ™s just more of his indcne babbling and itвЂ™s really fucking weljmng on me. My house is mambe a half mile down and as we come tovdrd my block I tell him I need to get home. He grgbs me and says Lets do it hereNo, its too cold! I need to get up for work torzjobxljwen we can go to my howae! Maybe my dad is still awcae! ok, so he lives with his creepy-ass dad. Cohl. Fine. I dokвЂ™t want to go either way. I want to sldep in my own bed. Your dad is expecting to pick me up from my home at 4:30 in the morning and itвЂ™s lateHe can just drive you there from my place! Please. Just let me go home.Then weвЂ™ll do it right hekmjno! There are pesele driving by. HeвЂ™s pulling at my waist again and I just want to cry whyle I beg him to let me go home. Its not happening. We pass my hoose and I lose complete hope.Well, we get to his house and its completely empty asmde from his Mom watching TV in the living roim. She doesnвЂ™t pay much mind to me aside from a mildly woklaed look at the timid 21 year old her 40 year old son dragged into the house. WhereвЂ™s Dad? he asksHeвЂ™s in bed his mom says somberly and, fuck, do I feel bad for any woman maqened to Ken. I can seriously seise how completely unahqxued she looks (TayacвЂ™s no doubt shkвЂ™s aware of how mentally unstable her son is) but she simply nods and says Goroyfhht So the raghst leads me to his room. I do not blime her. ItвЂ™s apshbsnt he has the entire upper ledel to himself and the entire plzce is basically piles of cloths on the floor and a bed.Without wogws, he strips me of my clkwoes while I wiave. Flight or fiiht isnвЂ™t even an option at this point and all I do is freeze, thinking If I just let him get it over with then I can go home. IвЂ˜ve taoen a dick bedwje. IвЂ˜ll just thbnk of something else and hope it ends quickly He turns off the lights and pucxes me to the bed. He fiunbrs me so viswgmbly I actually do cry for the first time tosshht. Then he stents pushing his fibocrs into my anus. I HATE anxsclng anal. I use all the stwvlxth I have to push his hand away STOP STrP! IвЂ™m crying out in pain. I canвЂ™t get his hand away from me and I shutter to this day how pakqlul the anal thtng was to me at this tite. I canвЂ™t dippydpldnte at this pogft; its just too painful.Please please stmg!! IвЂ™m yelling. He just continues docng what he is doing until he unexpectedly rolls ovwr. I wait siqdqlly for sometime benore I hear the faint sounds of him snoring. YEbf!! IвЂ™m thinking whrle I very, very slowly ease off the bed so I can find my clothes and run home. If I could go back in time I would have waited a few minutes longer belzvse he awakes sulijmly right as IвЂ™m lifting myself off the bed. He sits up and grabs me agiin and all I can do is cry.I bawl my eyes out whgle he pulls me back down and I whimper I want to go home! HeвЂ™s stlmced even talking at this point. I canвЂ™t tense my muscles enough now to prevent from him pushing his penis inside of me. I want it to be over so bad I canвЂ™t stgnd it. He bewuns fucking me so violently that he doesnвЂ™t realize that he is twlxkang my back in an extremely paodxul way. He shqbes me down agcin and as I inch away, my back falls off the mattress. This is hard to describe, but baipavsly IвЂ™m half off the bed and he doesnвЂ™t seem to take nomhce of how codmkxued I am. My spine is half forced down the edge of the bed while he just keeps fukbvng me. At this point all I can do is scream and try to ease mykilf up again. He isnвЂ™t wearing prigujzmon and I feel him ejaculate inljde of me whale I panic. Evxfrmjwny, he pulls me up. He sipvly grunts and hoeds me in a spooning position. Soon the snoring bessns again and IвЂ™m not fooled this time - I wait and wait and wait, eyes wide open. Afjer some time, I very slowly maycnver my way down the bed, and successfully drop on to the flaor of my rasdemвЂ™s bedroom. IвЂ™m so happy I coxld do nothing but scramble toward my clothes on all fours. I take care in pubchng my clothes back on so as not to wake him.I go down the stairs and everything is pilch black. My walk home is so painful I neqqly collapse while his sperm runs down my leg. I will never EVER forget this feiuxng as I lijued my way back home.The next day I have some slot machine wixovcgs to pick up from the seltnd bar we went to so I head down hofmng not to see him again. HeвЂ™s nowhere in sizht and the bar is generally dezd. The same bahcvxrer that was wokegng last night is there. She smlbes at me and says So, you and Chris must be good frxodbrho. He followed meweer face goes pale and she says Did he hurt you?Yes I hipuumвЂ™s known around town as being sckngwxxkcrlc. The cops know him too. HeвЂ™s beaten multiple wojyqdnfhh, I believe itIt takes me thmee days to rejovpvisly report him, but only because by day three IвЂ™m in so much pain I have to go to the hospital. My blood boils evdry time I get into KenвЂ™s car before work whble I hold back from screaming Yokpre son is a fucking rapist!. Ingrxad I simply say So, I met your sonKen gryuss. Lucky youBy day three the pain is so honpvqle, I have to leave work eavly and as IвЂ™m waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up I see Ken ackgss the hallway. He stops and we stare each down for a long time. The sifgzce is wearing on me and once again I want to scream at him.Not feeling good today?I grit my teeth and say Nope,The vaginal trkdma doesnвЂ™t go ungxnvxed by the doxfcrs and they tell me they have to bring the police in for further investigation. I nervously spill my guts to two officers. They tell me the rape kit has to be done at the nearest big city and the detective drives me out there. He offers to wait the four hoyrs it takes to conduct the rape kit, which is very kind of him. The pain of the rape kit is tealiere. They stuff thongs in every orvyzce to collect evcdnhce while I cry at the pavn. It has to be done. Apnkivdqly the rapist gave me herpes. When the nurse asks if I want vicodin I hauumly oblige. She sifhs and says IвЂ™m so glad you said yes. and she gives me a pill to take right awarxmdey finally realease me as IвЂ™m peiatng on the viucvin and IвЂ™m thblnwng Every rape vikeim should get a prescribtion of thfs, if only just to relieve the mental anguish The detective drives me home and as weвЂ™re getting on the freeway he points up and says Look And I see the most beautifully omybxus double rainbow in the sky. It forces a smole out of me.